I'm Still Allowed To

I'm still allowed to wear a flower crown and run around barefoot in the woods.
I'm still allowed to put on a dress and a crown and pretend I'm a princess.
I'm still allowed to pretend the school bus is a rocket ship just like we did in kindergarten.
I'm still allowed to be who I want to be and not conform into what people want me to be.
I'm still allowed to swing as high as I can on a swing, jump off, and feel like I'm flying for a few heartbeats until I land, sprawled on the ground.
I'm still allowed to have boys as friends but not have them be my "boyfriend".
I'm still allowed to watch that cartoon I watched as a kid just to remember.
I'm still allowed to try new things to figure out who I am and who I'm going to be.
I'm still allowed to run to my mom and dad when I need a hug.
I'm still allowed to tell these jokes, even though you're not here to laugh.
I'm still allowed to wish on stars that fall out of this sky just like I did under a sky miles away in a life that is years behind me.

Author's Note From "I Won't Join the Football Team" and "I Will Join the Football Team"

I wrote these two poems while trying to decide whether to play freshman football or not. I didn't join the football team.

~I'm a Unicorn

I Will Join the Football Team

I will join the football team.
I will make myself proud.
I will impress someone.
I will work hard
And sweat
And be part of a team.
I will be happy.
Yes, I will be busy.
And stressed,
But I will be happy with who I am.
I'm going to join the football team.
Because today, I joined the conditioning program durring lunch (accidentally)
And it felt good
Even if it wasn't my team.
I'm going to join the football team
Because someone told me today to forget the haters and just play football
And that's what I plan to do.
I plan to get out there
Try my hardest
Get bruised
Have the best time of my life.
I will prove to everyone who says I can't do it:
Me
My parents
Everyone else.
I can do it
I will join the football team.
And I am smiling as I write this.
Planning in my mind what I will do to prove that I can do this.
I will do this.
I will join the football team.
And that is my choice
I love being part of a team
And running until I'm wheezing
And getting bruised
And proving myself to everyone who says I can't.
Because I am joining the football team
And I will be happy
And I will sit with the football team at lunch
And wear my football jersey in school.
I will walk like I own the world.
Because that is how I feel playing football.
And I am joining the football team.
I like being strong
I like being different.
I like being the girl on the football team.
And I will be.
Because I am joining the football team.
No matter what anyone says.
I will do this.
No matter what it takes.
I cried myself to sleep last night
When I wrote about not joining the football team.
I couldn't just walk away like that.
Tonight, I will go to sleep happy,
Knowing that I will be who I want to be.
I will be the girl on the football team.
I will join the football team.
And that is my final decision.

I Won't Join the Football Team

I won't join the football team
I'll spare you the pain of almost seeing me killed.
I don't know if I could make it through again.
I don't know if they even want me there.
I don't know if I am dedicated enough to do it.
I want to do it.
But I don't know if I will make it out alive.
So I will stay as far away from the football players as I can.
I will distance myself.
I won't have anything to do with it.
Even though that kills me too.
Football players aren't supposed to be this emotional.
Football players are not in all honors classes.
Football players do not write poetry.
Football players do not debate whether to focus on their music, or the game.
Let's face it.
I'm not a football player.
I can't do it.
I made it through the first time
And I don't know
If I want to try a second time.
It makes me happy
To be a part of something bigger
I enjoy playing the game
And being on a team
But I'm not good at it
I am not the shape of a football player
I am not the size of a football player
I don't contribute to the team
Because I'm not a football player
And I'm crying my eyes out as I'm writing this.
But I can't play.
I'll do something sensible.
Join the a capella group after school.
Try to make a difference in this world.
And I'll distance myself from football
So I'm not tempted to try again.
Because I am not a football player.
I never was.
This is my choice.
And as much as I want to go back on it.
This is probably the smartest choice
Even though it is the hardest
I'll focus on my writing
My schoolwork
And my music
I'll stop trying to be something that I'm not
I'll stop trying to be a football player.
I am not a football player.
I never was.
And that is my final decision.
But I didn't want to choose.
If I could make a choice.
I would have made it before.
I don't want football to end again.
You got my hopes up.
Only to have me let myself down.
I can not live up to this.
I can not choose.
I can not play football.
I am not a fooball player.
I never was

Fixing These Friendships That Might Have Been

And there's so many things I want to say
To so many different people
To you
But I don't know how
I've pushed them away
Kicked them in the shins
Been too sarcastic
Too crazy
Too forward
Too not me
And they don't like that version of me
When I'm high on my own adrenaline
Jumping in front of them
Trying to seem intimidating
But I'm not
I'm trying to be someone I'm not
For them
Even though I know I should just be me
There are so many "me's"
That I don't know who I should be
I act like I don't care for them
I tell them I hate them
Even though that's far from true
I just want them to like me
And look at me
Just once
When I don't know they're there
And see that I can be a funny
Nice
Decent
Calm
Albeit weird human being
I just want them to give me another chance
Because I've changed from who I was
I'm me when I don't think anyone is watching
I want someone to hear me sing
I want them to know I'm human too
That I want them to like me
And not teese me
And not break my shoes
And not push me away
Because I pushed them away
Because I felt threatened
And I protected myself the only way I could think to do
Push them away
Resort to violence
Try to seem scarier than I am
Because,
Let's be honest,
Who would be afraid of me?
I'm not the person many people once saw me as.
I want to change that
I want someone to see that I am human too
That I feel too
That I love
And I hate
And I write
And I sing
And I hurt inside
And I hurt other people
But I don't mean to
I never meant to hurt you.
I want to get to know you.
I want to fix a friendship I may have broke
Because I was too rough
And now I'm trying to make things right
Because I'm facing the consequences
Of being defensive
And aggressive
And mean
And I thought it was the way to get you to notice me
Because I hate being in the background
I would love to be your friend
But I think I broke that opportunity
When I hit you
Because you got too close to me.
I'm sorry

Author's Note from "Catching"

I don't know if this poem is finished yet, so I may post an updated version if I decide to write more!

~I'm a Unicorn 

Catching

Let your mind catch the dreams
And your eyes catch the star
That leapt from the sky
To be caught by the dark

Let the wind catch your hair
And the view catch your breath
Reach your hands to the stars
Catch what life you have left

Let your friend catch your fall
And your cheeks catch your tears
Scream your loudest
Let the sky catch your fears

Let your ears catch the sound
Of the shore catching the waves
Throw yourself in
Let the water catch your brave

Let the music catch your heart
And the words catch your mind
Write what you feel
Catch an adventure of a different kind