Fixing These Friendships That Might Have Been

And there's so many things I want to say
To so many different people
To you
But I don't know how
I've pushed them away
Kicked them in the shins
Been too sarcastic
Too crazy
Too forward
Too not me
And they don't like that version of me
When I'm high on my own adrenaline
Jumping in front of them
Trying to seem intimidating
But I'm not
I'm trying to be someone I'm not
For them
Even though I know I should just be me
There are so many "me's"
That I don't know who I should be
I act like I don't care for them
I tell them I hate them
Even though that's far from true
I just want them to like me
And look at me
Just once
When I don't know they're there
And see that I can be a funny
Nice
Decent
Calm
Albeit weird human being
I just want them to give me another chance
Because I've changed from who I was
I'm me when I don't think anyone is watching
I want someone to hear me sing
I want them to know I'm human too
That I want them to like me
And not teese me
And not break my shoes
And not push me away
Because I pushed them away
Because I felt threatened
And I protected myself the only way I could think to do
Push them away
Resort to violence
Try to seem scarier than I am
Because,
Let's be honest,
Who would be afraid of me?
I'm not the person many people once saw me as.
I want to change that
I want someone to see that I am human too
That I feel too
That I love
And I hate
And I write
And I sing
And I hurt inside
And I hurt other people
But I don't mean to
I never meant to hurt you.
I want to get to know you.
I want to fix a friendship I may have broke
Because I was too rough
And now I'm trying to make things right
Because I'm facing the consequences
Of being defensive
And aggressive
And mean
And I thought it was the way to get you to notice me
Because I hate being in the background
I would love to be your friend
But I think I broke that opportunity
When I hit you
Because you got too close to me.
I'm sorry