Author's Note From "Broken As I Feel"

I am not depressed. I just have these moods once and a while when I feel alone and that mood makes me write poetry. I do not self harm and do not consider suicide. Nobody should worry about this. Just letting everyone know.

~I'm a Unicorn

Broken As I Feel

I wonder how people would treat me
If I acted as broken as I feel
If I went around with a tear stained face
Eyes bright from crying
Biting my lip with anxiety
If I gave into my hurt
And let it control me
Let it cut my wrists so my sadness flowed in blood tears.
I have watched so many poets talk about depression
Or self harm
And I wondered why it's always the poets.
And then I told myself that it would never come to that.
I don't need to cut myself to feel the pain
I cry and my tears are the blood drops pouring from my wrists
And I wonder what would happen if I died.
And I am afraid of death
And darkness
But what about an end?
I am not that desperate.
It can never come to that.
I die every time I count the strangers I sit with at lunch.
How I never have a partner in half my classes because everyone already has their friends
And inside jokes
And memories.
And I can't find anyone that can take the empty place my squad left.
And my teacher told my parents that I am shy.
And I wonder how they think that when I try to laugh with the others
At the back of the crowd
Trying to fit in
And sticking out more than ever.
I wonder if anyone sees how broken I am
And that each tear I cry is me giving into the pain.
I screw up too much.
Miss obligations
Forget things on quizzes
Mess up my part.
I hate High School
And maybe it's just because my friends aren't there with me
But I need to find a way out
Some days I don't want to get out of bed
Or I just want to sing sad songs just to shed my tears.
Or I just want to read the part where my favorite character dies.
And some days I wonder if I am depressed.
I wonder if I need help.
And then I go to school,
And put on my mask,
And smile.
And try to pretend I'm not as broken as I feel.

Are You From the Moon?

Are you from the moon?
Did you fall from a star?
Did anyone catch you?
Did you die from the fall?

Are you from the stars?
Riding the light?
Have you come very far?
Are you ready for a fight?

Are you from above?
Where whirlwinds rage?
Do you have anyone to love?
Or are you trapped in a cage?

Are you from a place?
Somewhere new?
Did you pack a suitcase?
To see the views?

Are you from the moon?
A shooting star?
You're so far away,
I don't know where you are.

Come back from the moon,
Come back from your star,
I miss you up there,
Come back to my arms.

I'm Not Afraid

I'm not afraid of the darkness,
I'm afraid of what's in it.
I'm not afraid of memories,
I'm afraid that I will forget them.
I'm not afraid of heights,
I'm afraid of the fall.
I'm not afraid to change who I am,
I'm afraid you won't know me at all.
I'm not afraid to try something new,
I'm afraid that I will fail.
I'm not afraid of hiding my emotions,
I'm afraid of my mind becoming my jail.
I'm not afraid to put myself out there,
I'm afraid of being judged.
I'm not afraid to make the leap,
I'm afraid of getting nudged.
I'm not afraid of hiding myself,
I'm afraid I might not take off the mask.
I'm not afraid of figuring it out,
I'm afraid of the given task.
I'm not afraid of showing myself,
I'm afraid of the spotlight.
I'm not afraid of being watched,
If you're not in my sight.
I'm not afraid of getting hurt,
I'm afraid of myself in a fight.
I'm afraid of what lurks in the darkness,
I'm always waiting for the light.

I Am

I am a jock who plays football and lacrosse
I am a geek who obsesses over Doctor Who, Harry Potter, and Sherlock
I am a music nerd that plays clarinet and cello
I am a "hipster" into all the unknown fandoms
I am a punk who listens to Metalica and Guns n' Roses
I am a songwriter and poet who writes what I'm too scared to say
I am deep when I'm depressed
I am so shallow with my friends
I am shy when I'm alone in a crowd
I am outgoing when I'm with friends and I can be loud
I am depressed about what I left behind
I am happy whenever I put it out of my mind
I am full of stories that I don't want to tell
I am an awful secret keeper I can't keep it to myself
I am a prisoner inside my own mind
I am one that knows freedom of a different kind
I am lost
I am found
I am flying
I am falling to the ground
I am loosing control
I say everything's fine
I am all these things
I don't know who I am yet
I am unique
I am different
I am only one thing
I am me

I'm Still Allowed To

I'm still allowed to wear a flower crown and run around barefoot in the woods.
I'm still allowed to put on a dress and a crown and pretend I'm a princess.
I'm still allowed to pretend the school bus is a rocket ship just like we did in kindergarten.
I'm still allowed to be who I want to be and not conform into what people want me to be.
I'm still allowed to swing as high as I can on a swing, jump off, and feel like I'm flying for a few heartbeats until I land, sprawled on the ground.
I'm still allowed to have boys as friends but not have them be my "boyfriend".
I'm still allowed to watch that cartoon I watched as a kid just to remember.
I'm still allowed to try new things to figure out who I am and who I'm going to be.
I'm still allowed to run to my mom and dad when I need a hug.
I'm still allowed to tell these jokes, even though you're not here to laugh.
I'm still allowed to wish on stars that fall out of this sky just like I did under a sky miles away in a life that is years behind me.

Author's Note From "I Won't Join the Football Team" and "I Will Join the Football Team"

I wrote these two poems while trying to decide whether to play freshman football or not. I didn't join the football team.

~I'm a Unicorn

I Will Join the Football Team

I will join the football team.
I will make myself proud.
I will impress someone.
I will work hard
And sweat
And be part of a team.
I will be happy.
Yes, I will be busy.
And stressed,
But I will be happy with who I am.
I'm going to join the football team.
Because today, I joined the conditioning program durring lunch (accidentally)
And it felt good
Even if it wasn't my team.
I'm going to join the football team
Because someone told me today to forget the haters and just play football
And that's what I plan to do.
I plan to get out there
Try my hardest
Get bruised
Have the best time of my life.
I will prove to everyone who says I can't do it:
Me
My parents
Everyone else.
I can do it
I will join the football team.
And I am smiling as I write this.
Planning in my mind what I will do to prove that I can do this.
I will do this.
I will join the football team.
And that is my choice
I love being part of a team
And running until I'm wheezing
And getting bruised
And proving myself to everyone who says I can't.
Because I am joining the football team
And I will be happy
And I will sit with the football team at lunch
And wear my football jersey in school.
I will walk like I own the world.
Because that is how I feel playing football.
And I am joining the football team.
I like being strong
I like being different.
I like being the girl on the football team.
And I will be.
Because I am joining the football team.
No matter what anyone says.
I will do this.
No matter what it takes.
I cried myself to sleep last night
When I wrote about not joining the football team.
I couldn't just walk away like that.
Tonight, I will go to sleep happy,
Knowing that I will be who I want to be.
I will be the girl on the football team.
I will join the football team.
And that is my final decision.

I Won't Join the Football Team

I won't join the football team
I'll spare you the pain of almost seeing me killed.
I don't know if I could make it through again.
I don't know if they even want me there.
I don't know if I am dedicated enough to do it.
I want to do it.
But I don't know if I will make it out alive.
So I will stay as far away from the football players as I can.
I will distance myself.
I won't have anything to do with it.
Even though that kills me too.
Football players aren't supposed to be this emotional.
Football players are not in all honors classes.
Football players do not write poetry.
Football players do not debate whether to focus on their music, or the game.
Let's face it.
I'm not a football player.
I can't do it.
I made it through the first time
And I don't know
If I want to try a second time.
It makes me happy
To be a part of something bigger
I enjoy playing the game
And being on a team
But I'm not good at it
I am not the shape of a football player
I am not the size of a football player
I don't contribute to the team
Because I'm not a football player
And I'm crying my eyes out as I'm writing this.
But I can't play.
I'll do something sensible.
Join the a capella group after school.
Try to make a difference in this world.
And I'll distance myself from football
So I'm not tempted to try again.
Because I am not a football player.
I never was.
This is my choice.
And as much as I want to go back on it.
This is probably the smartest choice
Even though it is the hardest
I'll focus on my writing
My schoolwork
And my music
I'll stop trying to be something that I'm not
I'll stop trying to be a football player.
I am not a football player.
I never was.
And that is my final decision.
But I didn't want to choose.
If I could make a choice.
I would have made it before.
I don't want football to end again.
You got my hopes up.
Only to have me let myself down.
I can not live up to this.
I can not choose.
I can not play football.
I am not a fooball player.
I never was

Fixing These Friendships That Might Have Been

And there's so many things I want to say
To so many different people
To you
But I don't know how
I've pushed them away
Kicked them in the shins
Been too sarcastic
Too crazy
Too forward
Too not me
And they don't like that version of me
When I'm high on my own adrenaline
Jumping in front of them
Trying to seem intimidating
But I'm not
I'm trying to be someone I'm not
For them
Even though I know I should just be me
There are so many "me's"
That I don't know who I should be
I act like I don't care for them
I tell them I hate them
Even though that's far from true
I just want them to like me
And look at me
Just once
When I don't know they're there
And see that I can be a funny
Nice
Decent
Calm
Albeit weird human being
I just want them to give me another chance
Because I've changed from who I was
I'm me when I don't think anyone is watching
I want someone to hear me sing
I want them to know I'm human too
That I want them to like me
And not teese me
And not break my shoes
And not push me away
Because I pushed them away
Because I felt threatened
And I protected myself the only way I could think to do
Push them away
Resort to violence
Try to seem scarier than I am
Because,
Let's be honest,
Who would be afraid of me?
I'm not the person many people once saw me as.
I want to change that
I want someone to see that I am human too
That I feel too
That I love
And I hate
And I write
And I sing
And I hurt inside
And I hurt other people
But I don't mean to
I never meant to hurt you.
I want to get to know you.
I want to fix a friendship I may have broke
Because I was too rough
And now I'm trying to make things right
Because I'm facing the consequences
Of being defensive
And aggressive
And mean
And I thought it was the way to get you to notice me
Because I hate being in the background
I would love to be your friend
But I think I broke that opportunity
When I hit you
Because you got too close to me.
I'm sorry

Author's Note from "Catching"

I don't know if this poem is finished yet, so I may post an updated version if I decide to write more!

~I'm a Unicorn 

Catching

Let your mind catch the dreams
And your eyes catch the star
That leapt from the sky
To be caught by the dark

Let the wind catch your hair
And the view catch your breath
Reach your hands to the stars
Catch what life you have left

Let your friend catch your fall
And your cheeks catch your tears
Scream your loudest
Let the sky catch your fears

Let your ears catch the sound
Of the shore catching the waves
Throw yourself in
Let the water catch your brave

Let the music catch your heart
And the words catch your mind
Write what you feel
Catch an adventure of a different kind

Have You Ever?

Have you ever lay awake all night?
Just wishing for the morning,
Just wishing for the light?
Waiting for the stars to fall,
Out of the deep blue sky,
Mulling over the day's events,
Places you wandered that you shouldn't have went.
Thinking of the silence that blankets the world.
Thinking of all the words you want to hurl
Into the night.
Picking an unneeded fight.
Have you ever lay awake all night?

Have you ever followed a rainbow to its end?
Searching for the magic pot of gold
That the leprechaun never seems to send.
And the end of the rainbow get farther away.
It never seems to get closer.
It's like it's running the other way.
And you keep saying, "It's gotten closer, right?"
Until you've run off far into the night.
And in the dying light,
You see the rainbow fade from sight.
And the dark becomes your friend,
As you search for a reason for your dwindling faith to mend.
Have you ever followed a rainbow to its end?

Have you ever been afraid of the night?
Because that is where the monster waits,
Lurking out of sight.
And the beast circles closer and closer under your bed.
But the monster you're afraid of isn't under your bed,
You're afraid of the beast inside your head.
Your imagination running wild with fear.
Scared of your own reflection in the mirror.
The darkness holding the unknown.
And you have to face it all alone.
And you realize you have to give into the fright.
And your last wish before sleep is for the light.
Have you ever been afraid of the night?

Have you ever found the perfect friend?
The one that understands you,
And will be there until the end.
And how you feel like it was meant to be,
That you were drawn together by destiny.
And the conversations are long and weird.
And losing each other is something you both fear.
And then you start drifting apart.
And you start wondering if you should carry them in your heart.
Because you miss the texts you used to send.
What happened to "best friends forever" until the end?
Have you ever found the perfect friend?

Author's Note from "Death's Diary: 1942"

This poem was written using only quotes from "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak. I only took the words and created a poem out of it as an English assignment while my class was reading "The Book Thief" in school. The numbers in paranthases are the page number of which the quote can be found in the book.

~I'm a Unicorn

Death's Diary: 1942 (307)

What does he need distraction from?

It's the leftover humans.

The survivors. 

They have punctured hearts.

They have beaten lungs.

I witness the ones who are left behind. (5)

First the colors.

Then the humans.

That's usually how I see things.

Or at least,

How I try.

Here's a small fact:

You are going to die. (3)

I urge you,

Don't be afraid. 

I'm nothing if not fair. (3)

World War Two. (73)

What will the sky be saying

When I come for you?

I will carry you gently away. (4)

First the colors.

Then the humans.

That's usually how I see things.

Or at least,

How I try.

Here's a small fact: 

You are going to die. (3)

I've seen so many young men over the years,

Who think they're running at other young men.

They are not. 

They're running at me. (174-175)

They keep triggering inside me. 

They harass my memory. (309)

First the colors. 

Then the humans. 

That's usually how I see things.

Or at least, 

How I try.

Here's a small fact: 

You're going to die. (3)

I saw the book thief three times. (5)

From a Himmel Street window, he wrote,

The stars set fire to my eyes. (378)

One was a book thief.

The other stole the sky. (381)

First the colors. 

Then the humans.

That's usually how I see things.

Or at least,

How I try.

Here's a small fact:

You are going to die. (3)

Inner voices called out to me, 

Why him and not me? (389)

Although it's not true for every person on earth,

It's true for the vast majority,

Death waits for no man. (350)

First the colors. 

Then the humans.

That's usually how I see things.

Or at least, 

How I try.

Here's a small fact: 

You are going to die. (3)

I watched the sky as it turned from silver to gray, 

To the color of rain.

Even the clouds were trying to get away. (350)

First the colors.

Then the humans. 

That's usually how I see things. 

Or at least,

How I try.

Here's a small fact: 

You are going to die. (3)

I try to remember the strewn pieces of beauty,

I saw in that time.

I plow through my library of stories.(309)

It was nice to be fought off in that dark little room,

With so much work ahead of me. (318)

First the colors.

Then the humans. 

That's usually how I see things.

Or at least, 

How I try.

Here's a small fact: 

You are going to die. (3)

The bombs were coming-

And so was I. (335)

I am not malicious,

I am a result. (6)

Sometimes I arrive too early.

And some people cling longer to life than expected. (9)

First the colors.

Then the humans.

That's usually how I see things.

Or at least,

How I try.

Here's a small fact: 

You are going to die. (3)

Humans,

If nothing else,

Have the good sense to die. (491)

But it kills me sometimes.

How people die. (464)

I Am Human

I am human.
I live and I die.
I cover my loud laugh.
I wipe away the tears I cry.

I am human.
I dance and I sing.
There are days I can't do it.
There are days I can do anything.

I am human.
I love and I hate.
I see the wrongs that have been done.
I don't think its just fate.

I am human.
I scream and I fight.
I fear the unknown.
Death lurking in the darkness of night.

I am human.
I keep secrets from others.
I wear a mask of happiness
So long my emotions are smothered.

I am human.
I can end someone's life.
I can turn my hate into words
And use it to sharpen a knife.

I am human.
I fear death.
I know others do too.
I never want to cause it.

I am human.
I want to change the world.
One step at a time.
Stop ugly words from being hurled.

I am human.
I want to be me.
But there are some parts inside
That people just wouldn't see.

I am human.
I need to be free.
To speak my words.
To create my own memories.

I am human.
I have stories to tell.
In my mental library,
I take a book off a shelf.

I am human.
I am all of these things.
I live and I die.
I dance and I sing.

Whispers

And all I hear is whispers,

As I lay here in the night.

And the burning fire,

Is the only source of light.

And all I hear is whispers,

Because I'm hiding from the light.

I can fly, but I'm teathered to the ground.

There is nothing left but the fight.

And all I hear are whispers,

Straining to break free.

And all I hear is the whisperers,

They've taken over me.

Don't Cry Your Saltwater Tears For Me

Don't cry your salt water tears for me
And shake the sand out of your hair
You can hear the ocean calling from the seashells of your ears
Treading water
Letting the waves crash over you
Letting the seaweed tangle your hair
Don't go under

Don't cry your salt water tears for me
And watch the tide come and go.
People are like the tide
They are there,
And then they aren't
But the water will always be there

Don't cry your saltwater tears for me
And press your feet into the sand
Let the waves carry you to your castle
Carrying away your footprints with them
Trace your name in the sand
Let it be washed away
That is how easy it is to break us
All you have to do is erase

Don't cry your salt water tears for me
And hold your head up high
Watch the sun sink into the ocean
Tell yourself it's okay to cry.

Question

Who dared question the way things were run?
Would we want to go back?
And undo what was done?
Who questioned the wrongs we did?
And who requested a change?
The people who did it are those,
Who questioned if the would could ever stay the same.

What Do You See When You Look At Me?

What do you see
When you look at me?
Do you see just another girl?
Standing up here,
Trying to be heard?
Trying to be noticed?
Trying to figgure out who she is?
I don't know what I want to be.
What do you see
When you look at me?

What do you see
When you look at me?
Do you see a poet?
Who is trying to put
Everything she feels
Into a few words?
Who is learning to weave her words
Into something that will make people listen?
Who is learning that people are capable of great good
But also great evil.
And is struggling to find the words to tell others
That people can be good.
They can.
I don't know what I want to be.
What do you see
When you look at me?

What do you see
When you look at me?
Do you see athlete?
Even though I am writing poetry?
Do you see football player?
Do you see black belt?
Do you see lacrosse player?
Do you see my strength?
Do you see my refusal to be hurt?
Do you see my aggressiveness?
I had to learn to be aggressive but still have feelings,
Still write poetry.
I can be both,
But people tell me I have to choose.
I don't know what I want to be.
What do you see
When you look at me?

What do you see
When you look at me?
Do you see musician?
Do you see cellist?
Do you see clarinetist?
Do you see singer?
Even though I play football?
Do you see the song in my head?
The music dancing behind my eyes?
Do you hear the beat I am always singing along to?
I was told I have to choose.
Football or my music.
I don't know what I want to be.
What do you see
When you look at me?

What do you see
When you look at me?
If you see just another girl,
Trying to be heard,
Then you haven't been listening.
Because I am
So,
Much,
More.
But the truth behind it is,
I don't know what I want to be.
I am what you see
When you look at me.

Inspired

Remember what was once a great empire,
That had crumbled to the dust,
We say is larger than our dreams,
But our dreams were built by us.
We built those empires,
And tore them down,
Stone by stone,
And now they're found.
Don't you feel inspired?
By what others have done?
And don't you aspire?
To become twice the person you've become?
And there are your plans,
All laid out,
Until the kiss of reality,
Scatters them to the wind,
And you thirst for love,
But die of the drought.
We want to start anew,
To do something bold.
And you think everything's already been done,
But every story has not yet been told.
And don't you feel inspired?
By what others have done?
And don't you aspire?
To become twice the person they've become?

One Million

We're all here now,
Fighting for our lives,
And I see the one million,
Drops of blood being spilled,
Flowing like a red river,
Screams of terror,
Cutting through my heart,
Piercing the night like a dagger.
And yet the world goes on.
With one million lives ending every day,
One million fearing separate ways,
One million lives of carefree play,
Knowing blood has been spilled,
On the ground that we lay.

We are trapped here together,
Without a clue on what to do,
And I see the one million,
Lights from the stars,
Swimming in their eyes,
Fears of death,
Of being gone,
Reflected in the night.
And yet the world goes on.
Knowing we have confirmed one million fears,
One million lives ended of those we hold dear,
One million hearts we have touched and seared,
Knowing we have cried,
On the world that touched tears.

Who Am I?

Who am I?
I don't know anymore.
I am a girl who is lost in her mind.
Full of hopes and dreams,
And faces.
The faces of my friends.
Long gone,
Fading from my mind,
Blurred like a picture,
And I dream.
Dream of the day that I will go home.
But I've been back.
Back there.
And it doesn't feel like home anymore.
So where is home?
Home is where the heart is.
That's what my mother told me.
And it still feels like I'm bound to there,
Even though I'm living here,
And my home now, is in the past
Where everything was real.
And not a dreamlike routine.
The past was normal,
And where I belong.
With my friends who I could tell anything to.
That I would trust with my life.
I belong in the town with winding streets
That were always changing,
But never made there feel like less than home.
It was the only place I had ever really known.
And now its gone.
Not completly.
But it feels more like a place from my dreams.
A place that I'm not sure exists anymore.
And time wears memories.
And maybe I'm not remembering right,
But there were more falling stars for me to wish on,
More chances for me to take,
More openings for my future,
And they tore it all away,
And its gone.
And with everything gone,
It feels like something in me is gone too.
Lost in my heart,
Or not connected anymore.
Because every goodbye,
Tore a rip in my heart.
A rip in me.
And my heart was broken,
Ripped up,
As easily as a piece of paper.
That life ended.
And part of me disappeared.
And I know she's burried somewhere inside me.
The crazy girl.
The random girl.
Who's lost in her mind.
Swimming with faces.
That time slowly fades.
So I ask,
Can you tell me?
Who am I?

Will You?

Will you promise to always be there?
Every time I need you,
When I shout, will you be there?
Will you promise to always find me?
Wether I'm lost in my mind,
Or lost in the sea.
Will you promise to always smile?
Unafraid of the dark,
Make the wait worthwhile.
Will you promise to let me be free?
But let me run to you crying,
Whenever I need?
Will you promise to miss me when I'm gone?
When the echoes are fading?
When you hear the last note of the song?
Will you promise to let me be me?
Will you let me write?
Will you let me sing?
And will you promise to always love me?
No matter what happens,
Will you promise you won't ever break me?

Do I Scare Easily?

Do I scare easily?
Does it look like that to you?
Aren't we all afraid of something?
At least that is true.

I don't run from snakes and spiders,
But I wish I could stand and face the fire.
I will run,
If I can die.
I want to soar,
But I'm scared to fly.
Will my fear hold me back?
Or will my fear let me fly?

Do I scare easily?
Does it look like that to you?
Don't we all run from something?
Your fear makes you you.

I don't run from blood and sneers,
But I wish I could turn and face my fears.
I will run,
If I can die.
I want to soar,
But I'm scared to fly.
Will my fear hold me back?
Or will my fear let me fly?

Do I scare easily?
Does it look like that to you?
Doesn't everyone run from fear?
Isn't that what we do?

Ode to My Music

To my music,
Loud and free,
Blasting my ears,
Making me sing.

To my music,
That is my escape,
From the loudness of life,
Closes my mind like gates.

To my music,
That makes me me,
That helps me write my words,
That makes me dance when I sing.

To my music,
That makes me see the beauty of taking a chance,
That makes the sun shine brighter,
That makes the rain seem like the perfect place to dance.

To my music,
That helps me touch the sky,
That helps me touch the hearts,
Of anyone who wants to fly.

To my music,
That makes me sing,
That helps me touch the sky,
And see the beauty in everything.

For My Football Coaches Who Showed Me There is More Than You Think To Football

Thank you for helping me love football as much as you do.
Thank you for teaching me how to play.
Thank you for helping me to see the good in people.
Thank you for pushing me farther than I thought I could go.
Thank you for making me stronger than I was before.
Thank you for teaching me to get down and dirty.
Thank you for giving me the satisfaction of surviving today what I didn't yesterday.
Thank you for teaching me mental toughness.
Thank you for showing me what a team is.
Thank you for showing me where I belong.
Thank you for helping me embrace everything that sets me apart from other people.
Thank you for showing me that the most ordinary people can do the most extraordinary things.
Thank you for teaching me to focus on this play, not last play.
Thank you for making me bruised.
Thank you for showing me I'm strong because I survived.
Thank you for football.
Thank you for making me invincible.

My Family is a Rainbow

My family is a rainbow,

We are all different colors,

But yet, when we work together,

We can make something beautiful.

My family is a rainbow.

My dad is dark green,

Smart,

Funny,

Loving.

He can do so much and still has time to drive me everywhere I need to be,

Play a video game with my brother,

Tuck my little sister in at night,

And love us all,

No matter what mistakes we make.

My family is a rainbow.

My mom is indigo,

Caring,

Intelligent,

Comforting.

She laughs with me when I’m happy,

And cheers me up when I’m sad,

She understands what I go through and tries to help,

And she accepts whatever path I choose to take,

And will help me clean up the messes I make,

My family is a rainbow.

My younger brother is red,

Energetic,

Funny,

Noisy.

He can always come up with something funny to say,

He loves us no matter how much we tell him to stop quoting youtube videos,

He is always jumping around and dancing,

I envy how confident he is with himself,

But he can always stop dancing to give me a big hug when he knows I’m sad.

My family is a rainbow.

My little sister is yellow,

Happy,

Bubbly,

Vivacious,

Her blue eyes are always laughing,

She makes me remember what it was like to be a kid,

Full of wonder and imagination that has been let loose,

And she tells me she can’t wait to be as old as I am,

I wish she knew I want to be her age again,

And run free,

Laughing like she does.

My family is a rainbow.

But I don’t know what color I am.

Yet.

I’m facing the identity crisis that strikes at my age.

I’ll say I am blue.

I am strong,

Smart,

Special.

Everyone tells me that I am perfect,

And I should never change who I am.

And I don’t think I will.

Because I love who I am.

So I will be blue.

Until I figure out who I’m supposed to be.

Because I am everything.

Blue can be everything too.

It can be dark like the night sky,

it can be aqua like the sea,

Blue can be everything,

Blue can be me,

Until I figure out who I want to be.

My family is a rainbow,

Stretching across the sky,

Created by the sun,

That comes after any tears we cry.

Crying Your Raindrops

Don't you love the smell of the rain?
Falling as teardrops,
Crying for pain,
Fresh on the pavement,
You dance for your gain,
Living for the world,
Going along with the game,
Take a breath,
And smell the rain,
Feel the water,
Fresh on your face,
Crying your raindrops,
Crying your pain,
Different as we are,
We all dance in the rain,
Take a breath,
And smell the rain,
Cry your raindrops,
Embrace your pain

Living

Heart beats,
I'm alive,
Tears fall,
Because I cry,
Singing,
Because I can,
Breathing hard,
Because I ran,
Shivering,
I feel the cold,
Growing wiser,
Growing old,
Hurting,
Because I bleed,
Kindness,
From a little seed,
Smiling,
I'm in love,
Crying,
It hurts too much,
Dancing,
In the rain,
The raindrops,
Like tear stains,
Anger,
Because you left,
Sadness,
And regret,
Longing,
To go back home,
Realizing,
I can never go,
Dreaming,
I can go far,
Wishing,
On a shooting star,
Blinking,
In the light,
Fearing,
The darkness of night,
Heart beats,
I'm alive,
Dying,
It's my time

Barriers

I don't open up,

Because anyone I let in is going to hurt me,

I don't want to let anyone in,

Because the last time I did,

They were pulled away,

Until our ties ripped,

And I was alone,

And I promised myself I would never make the mistake,

Of loving ever again,

And I don't judge people,

Like you think I do,

I think they judge me, 

Because I was new,

I was angry,

And burdened, 

And I wanted to go back,

But I couldn't,

Because you took me away,

You created this monster,

The way I was hurt,

Was a way to kill me,

But I survived,

And set up defenses,

So I would never be hurt again,

I put up walls around my heart,

So strong that I can't break them,

It's like I've separated my heart from my body,

And I still try to love,

But it doesn't work,

So I don't let people see,

The sadness in my eyes,

Because then I'd let them in,

To something that is gone,

And I wish I could take those barriers down,

Because I'm ready to let someone in,

It's gotten lonely behind the bars,

Of the cage I have hidden in for so long