I Won't Join the Football Team

I won't join the football team
I'll spare you the pain of almost seeing me killed.
I don't know if I could make it through again.
I don't know if they even want me there.
I don't know if I am dedicated enough to do it.
I want to do it.
But I don't know if I will make it out alive.
So I will stay as far away from the football players as I can.
I will distance myself.
I won't have anything to do with it.
Even though that kills me too.
Football players aren't supposed to be this emotional.
Football players are not in all honors classes.
Football players do not write poetry.
Football players do not debate whether to focus on their music, or the game.
Let's face it.
I'm not a football player.
I can't do it.
I made it through the first time
And I don't know
If I want to try a second time.
It makes me happy
To be a part of something bigger
I enjoy playing the game
And being on a team
But I'm not good at it
I am not the shape of a football player
I am not the size of a football player
I don't contribute to the team
Because I'm not a football player
And I'm crying my eyes out as I'm writing this.
But I can't play.
I'll do something sensible.
Join the a capella group after school.
Try to make a difference in this world.
And I'll distance myself from football
So I'm not tempted to try again.
Because I am not a football player.
I never was.
This is my choice.
And as much as I want to go back on it.
This is probably the smartest choice
Even though it is the hardest
I'll focus on my writing
My schoolwork
And my music
I'll stop trying to be something that I'm not
I'll stop trying to be a football player.
I am not a football player.
I never was.
And that is my final decision.
But I didn't want to choose.
If I could make a choice.
I would have made it before.
I don't want football to end again.
You got my hopes up.
Only to have me let myself down.
I can not live up to this.
I can not choose.
I can not play football.
I am not a fooball player.
I never was